I cannot write

The world is moving
around me
a blur
a sudden motion
i can't keep up
the lights that
blinded me
kept screaming
green
but never stop

Exhausted
i lay down
for a nap
and rub my eyes to awake
in an entirely different
space
I never knew
I never cared
but this was always
always
here
The tears were
too slow
they never flowed
just disappeared

Numbed.
It was cold
It was scorching
I don't know
what to feel anymore
but then
i'm not sure
if this is feeling
in a brand new
sense of the word
if i was just left behind
well. I'm just getting
used to it

I read
the words that pained me
even before i write
them down
I read
the blank spaces
that hurt more
as i dust it with
the ink
that erases all the meaning
and fills in every
gap

I cannot bring myself
to write
to confess
the real me
I have been waiting
and i am raged
I want to get out
but i hold back
for some
reason

I cannot write
When can i bring myself
to be my real
self?
When can i ever
become
the person i want to be
when i am trapped
in the person
that has always been expected
of me?

I need to write
But the words..
They are all meaningless
I cannot
write
I cannot
feel
I can only
think

I start to write
the words
that only made sense
when i wanted them to
but i start writing away
nonetheless
and the words
the words
come alive
and save me
and lead me
to the life i always dreamed of
but was always
so far
away