I Love You Because...

Reasons why. Kelangan pa ba ng reasons? Hindi :) Pero siyempre, alam ko namang matutuwa ka kapag nabasa mo 'to :)

and these are the reasons why i love you. "because" not "despite". yan ang natutunan ko nung second year :) how to love a person because of his perfect and imperfect traits, not despite of these. :>

1. I love you because para kang bata, ang kulit kulit :D
2. I love you because ang bading bading mo :) Super fun kasama, kahit para sa iba nakakturn off :)
3. I love you because ang hot mo pag nagagalit :> pero wag ka nang magalit sakin. Sakanila nalang :))
4. I love you because you feed me :D hindi mo ako sinasabihan ng "ang taba mo!" or "magdiet ka nga!" or "takte inuubos mo na pera ko sa pagkain mo!" :D
5. And I love you because sinasabayan mo ako sa pagkain ko :D:D:D
6. I love you because binibigay mo yung gusto ko kahit kadalasan, labag sa kalooban mo >:]
7. I love you because kahit gusto mo akong baguhin, I that it is all to make me, and to make us better :)
8. I love you because and cheesy cheesy mo. Nahawa tuloy ako =))
9. I love you because you make me feel better kapag down na down ako.
10. I love you because you always make me laugh when I'm depressed, kahit magmukha ka pang gago :) Katulad nung umiyak ako dahil sa Vision, and kinwento mo pa yung embarassing experience mong makatulog at madrawingan ng titi sa noo =))
11. I love you because kahit ayaw mo ng sine, sinamahan mo akong manood ng My Amnesia Girl :>
12. I love you because you always raise me up and encourage me to do the things I love :)
13. I love you because ang sexy ng boses mo kapag kumakanta, lalo na ng "If You're not the One" super natamaan talaga ako nung kinanta mo yun =)) HAHAHA.
14. I love you because NAGIGITARA KA. Isa yun sa standards ko sa isang lalaki :)) pero ngayon nonexistent na yung mga standards na yun. Basta ikaw :)
15. I love you because natutuwa akong makita ka doing what you love- yung pagbabanda. Sobrang mahal na mahal mo ito, and binubuhos mo talaga efforts mo dito.
16. I love you because you make everyone else around you so happy, and you touch many lives :) kahit ikaw pa yung masasaktan. Lakas mo pala eh =))
17. I love you because kapag sinusumpong ako, pinagbibigyan mo naman ako xD
18. I love you because para kang baby pag naglalambing :D HAHA. akala mo naman cute ka :> joke lang >:D<
19. I love you because you're not afraid to look stupid just to make me happy :D
20. I love you because kahit gabi na and feeling mong may possibility nang mamatay ka sa sobrang late na, hinahatid mo pa rin ako pauwi :>
21. I love you because of the way you smile. :)
22. I love you because dinadala mo lagi yung bag kong mabigat at sakin mo pinapadala yung bag mong magaan. Kahit minsan pinipilit lang kita, natotouch pa rin ako :)
23. I love you because hindi mo ako iniwan at sinukuan sa aking pagkabusy sa Vision :D
24. I love you because binili mo yung shirt na ginawa ko!!! :)
25. I love you because super dali mong mapasaya. Ang I'm sooooo happy tuwing nakikita kang natutuwa :D
26. I love you because I fell in love with your family na din :D
27. I love you because minsan you're gay, and I like it =))
28. I love you because you make me feel unafraid of anything :D
29. I love you because you always consider kung ano iisipin ng mom ko, ng tita ko, ng lola ko. Pinapaalala mo sa akin yung mga tama at mali sa buhay ko. :]
30. I love you because kahit kuripot ka, kapag nagkaroon ka naman ng pera, lagi kang nanlilibre :D
31. I love you because you're so protective over girls. Kahit hindi ako, gusto mong alagaan and ihatid lalo na kapag gabi :D
32. I love you because parehas tayo ng pag-iisip. Katulad nung caveman, nung alien, ayun :D
33. I love you because ang hilig mong mangasar :D
34. I love you because kahit sa mga maliliit lang ng accomplishments and other stuff, kayang kaya mo nang ipagmalaki :) I love you for that :D
35. I love you because sam with a heart yung name ko sa fone mo :>
36. I love you because natatandaan mo lagi na favorite ko ang root beer :D:D
37. I love you because religious ka :D and close kayo ni bro ;)
38. I love you because kahit ideny mo pa, ang galing mo magsulat ;)
39. I love you because magaling ka ring mambibigkas :D nakakainlove shet =))
40. I love you because pinagbibigyan mo ang mga kababawan ko xD
41. I love you because kahit pagod ka na, pinagbibigyan mo ako and pinapatulog mo ako sa shoulders mo kapag hinahatid mo ako :]
42. I love you because lagi mo akong sinasamahan :) kahit na sugurin pa natin ang Bagyong Juan at maging mga basang sisiw tayo sa SM :D
43. I love you because you always want the best for me :>
44. I love you because malandi ka, at pangit ako diba? =)))))) HAHAHA
45. I love you because





97. I love you because you helped me become better through encouraging words and your never-ending support :D
98. I love you because you taught me how to be stronger.
99. I love you because you accepted me for who I am :D Kahit na marami akong traits na ayaw mo xD
100. I love you because ikaw si John Rey Enjambre Burce, ang you're the perfect and the one and only guy for me <3 thanks for everything :)

ITUTULOY PA :D

Ipagsisigawan ko sa buong mundo

na mahal kita :D

Ikaw na. Ikaw na ang pinaka-imbang nakilala ko sa buong buhay ko.

Simula noong araw na umapak ako sa Maksay, kilala na kita. Sa listahan ko ng mga mayayabang sa batch, basta isa ka na doon. Habang tumatagal, nakilala kita, pero hindi naman tayo naging malapit. Kahit papano, napagtanto kong mabuting tao ka naman. Liniligawan mo pa ang isa kong kaibigan noon, at naging masama ulit ang paningin ko sa iyo nang masaktan siya sa ginawa mo (malandi ka kasi :D). Noong nakaraang bakasyon naman, lagi na kayong pumupunta ni Valjean sa bahay ko para makikain at mambur. Pero kahit kailan, hindi ko talaga inakalang magkakagusto ako sa iyo.

Flash forward.

Ngayon, nasa tabi kita. Pero siyempre, hindi talaga ngayon kasi hello, 11:02PM na kaya, naglalaway ka na sa itim niyong sofa. Pero okay lang yun, alam ko namang ako pinapanaginipan mo :P. Sabi nga nung kanta, hindi naman ako yung tipong niloloko, at hindi naman ikaw yung tipong nagseseryoso. Teka, wag ka muna magreklamo, dati yun, hindi ko naman alam dati na seryoso ka pala sa buhay. Parang hindi kasi eh. Parang joke.

Pero hindi mo ako linoko. At oo, seryoso ka nga. Sobrang sarap sa pakiramdam na mahalin ka, at maging laman din ng puso mo. Kahit ang corny talaga nating dalawa, okay lang. Nagmamahalan naman :> ayiee

Nagsimula naman talaga ang lahat sa Vision eh, kahit GRABE ang stress na nadulot nito. Pero naniniwala ako na ang purpose talaga ng pagsali natin (well ako 'sumali' at ikaw, 'napasali' lakas mo kasi kay boss eh :D diba? hahaha :D)sa Vision ay para makilala natin ang isa't isa. Kailangan kita sa buhay ko, kailangan mo din naman sana ako :D. Noong una, tuwing naghuhugas tayo ng mababantot na pinggan, nanlalandi ka palang. Pero habang lumalaki ang tambak ng maduduming pinggang kailangang hugasan, lumalalim din ang pagtingin ko sa iyo. :> Pero siyempre, sa akin lang yun dati. Nakakahiya naman aminin kasi ikaw nga, sa akala ko noon, yung tipong "manloloko" lang...

Pero isang beses, nang hinugasan natin yung mongkok na pinaglagyan daw ng Nilaga (na akala nating SINIGANG dahil sa sobrang tagal ng pagkatambak 0_0) tinanong mo ako.

"Pa'no kung seryoso na ako?"

Pa'no nga ba? Siyempre kinilig ako :D At sinamahan mo pa ako pauwi nun, napatunayan mong kailangan nga kita sa mga delikadong panahong ito ng buhay ko. Pero di ko na napigilan at napaamin din ako sa iyo. Boom.

At ngayon ulit. Hindi mo alam kung gaano ka kakaiba sa lahat ng dati kong minahal. Masasabi mong malaki talaga ang binago mo sa akin. Una sa lahat, hindi ako nag-expect sa'yo, kaya sobrang napasaya talaga ako sa lahat ng pinaggagagawa mo. At noon, inaamin ko, marami akong gusto, pero ngayon sa'yo, basta't makita kong nagmamahalan tayo, solve na ko :>

Dati naman, nagboblog din ako tungkol sa kanya. Pero ngayon talaga, sobrang natural. Lahat ng nararamdaman ko sobrang totoo na talaga. Wag mo na kong iwan. Mahirap maghanap ng isa pang John Rey Burce sa mundo, bihira lang kayo sa buhay ko :)

Marami akong first time kasama ka, mga unexpected na bagay tulad ng pagpadpad natin kung san san sa Metro Manila. Pero isa na sa mga first time ko ang pag-iyak. Sa'yo lang ako umiyak. Dahil sa sobrang lungkot. Dahil sa sobrang tuwa. Salamat dahil sa tinagal tagal ng panahong naging bato yung puso ko, binuhay mo na kahit papano. Nakakaramdam na ako, at para sa'yo lahat ng ibubuga nito. :)

Sige, ako na ang corny. Pero kakaiba ka talaga. Kasi ngayon, ngayong gabi ko napagtantong may deadline din ang lahat ng bagay na magaganda, lalo naman sa buhay ko. Lahat na ata ng tao, iniwan ako...

Ang pinagkaiba natin sa isa't isa ay ang mga paniniwala natin. Alam kong sa college, gusto mong mag-aral sa ibang bansa, kundi nama'y sa malayong lugar, samantalang ang buhay ko pagka-graduate ay umiikot nalang sa mga university na pinangarap ko na rin. In short, hindi naman talaga tayo magsasama sa college. Hindi ko lang masabi sa'yo yung lungkot nung kinekwento mo ang pagnanais mong mangibang bansa. Ngayon, hanggang March nalang siguro ikaw mapapasakin. Pero kahit alam kong darating din ang ating paghihiwalay, mamahalin kita hangga't di pa dumadating ang araw na iyon.

Gusto kitang makitang may sinabi sa buhay. Gusto ko maging magaling kang kahit ano, basta't pinupusuan mo ito at mahal mo ang ginagagawa mo. Gusto kong suportahan ka, anuman maging desisyon mo. Gusto kong maging yung taong tumulong sa'yo upang maabot mo mga pangarap mo. Sana ako yung katabi mo pag nangyari lahat ng yun. Pero, ano ba yan, umaasa ako sa wala. Dito lang ako eh, magkakahiwalay talaga landas natin. Pero ngayon, habang parehas pa tayo ng biyahe, kapit ka lang sakin ha? Wag ka munang bibitaw... Tumalon ako para sa'yo at sobrang saya ko pa sa aking paglipad, kaya sana, huwag muna akong mahulog sa malamig na lupa ng katotohanan. Paliparin mo muna ako, kahit kaunting panahon nalang. Alam kong suntok sa buwan, pero sana pakinggan ulit ng langit yung hiling ko, sana malakas pa rin ako sa kanila, kahit dito lang... Sa akin ka muna... Sa akin ka nalang...

Define Stress

Mathsoc. HALA, asan na yung test questions? Ano? Hindi pa nagagawa? Eh andito na yung contestants, namaga na 0_0 anong ibig mong sabihin? Sino sumisigaw? Hala! eh nagtatago kaya ako sa kanya, kaya nga hindi ako dumadaan ng press room eh. Ano sabi mo? May CC nanaman? Ang tagal nang tapos ng intrams ha? Ay oo nga pala! Sa tuesday ulit magccheering tayo :o Tapos sa Monday naman may contest na ako sa regional editorial writing at feature ekek. Pero ang malupit diyan, eleksyon pala ulit bukas sa STEP! May speech na ba ako, wala pa! :o Kaso pa'no pala yun? Kasi may culminating din sa MATH! At umuusok na ulo ni sir sa'kin, 'di kasi ako nagpapakita. Kelangan na pala matapos articles bago magnovember 22. Ano? November 12 na?? Tapos yung November issue ng Legion para sa SSG kelangan pa ipasa next week.. TEKA, next week?? Edy wala talaga akong tulong neto? Ano daw? Anak ng teteng, may kulang akong test sa calc at french? Tas batch meeting pa sa avr para sa Fili? Putcha Einstein, magbayad na nga kayo ng shirts! Ay tas may ict quiz pa, baka annoyed na rin si ma'am reyes :o Pa'no pala yung orgchem at mapeh homeworks ko? Namaga na rin? YUNG RESEARCH PAPER bukas ipapasa. Pero kaya na yun ni Reich :> Minsan lang naman ako umasa sa iba, sana pumayag siya xD Alam ko may nakakalimutan pa ako... Hala, ang dami pang gagawin for mathsoc para bukas. Pero hindi, kailangan unahin ang personal essay para sa Vision. Pero hindi pa rin, kasi kailangan na ni Alex yung lyrics ng ginawa kong kanta sa MYC. Pero GUSTONG GUSTO KO NANG PUMUNTA NG FERMI. Asan na kaya siya? Ano ginagawa niya ngayon? Yun pala galit na sakin, 'di ko daw napapansin :( At maglalakwatsa pa kami ni Rivas, hindi pwedeng hindi!! Kaso kelan? At si denise at monica, kamusta na kaya sila? Malulusog ba mga anak nila? Gano katagal pa ba bago kami ulit magkakasama? xD Eh miss ko na nga sila eh, what the pwet naman oh, sana more than 24 hours and isang araw. :| Kaso hindi talaga eh kasi laging sinasabi ng nanay ko dati na always eat before you die. Ano raw? Shet, gutom na ata ako. O baka nahyhyper lang kasi medyo marami pa akong gagawin, AT PABLOG BLOG NALANG AKO DITO.

Pero hello? Ako pa? Haha, kaya yan :)

Sige na. Busy na ako. Ako na. Pero mas busy pa rin si Jomar =))

Tulad ng ilog na hindi tumitigil sa pag-agos, pag-ibig '

Hindi alam :>

Kanina ko pa binago password ko. :D
]
At habang ika'y busy sa papelblog.com, andito ako, pinagmamasdan ka. :) Sana hindi ka na magalit, nabago ko na po. :-*

(dagdag)
Hay. Eto nanaman, nagtatampo. Buti na lang mahal kita. =)))))

Move to the rhythm of love

At dahil naeexperience ko ang writer's block, hindi ako makagawa ng maayos na articles para sa the Vision. Dahil na rin ako ay topak mode na nagtatagalog blog katulad ng last year kong gawi, nabobobo na ako sa English. Kaya para hindi na magtampo si sir sa akin, susubukan ko nang ibalik ang english self ko, pawang makabuti ito para sa aking journalism performance xD

(English mode on)

Our fourth and final year has been moving way to fast, at least for me, and yet, I am already looking forward to throwing our caps during graduation and leaving for college. I'm tired of our everyday routine, where teachers play "teach" and we learn nothing - or is it just me? Since the start of the year, I haven't taken studying seriously anymore. I gained a new perspective on learning - that we don't have to memorize pages of notes (which we will eventually forget after that long test) and we don't have to exert effort on the things that won't matter in the future. That's it - about 90% of what we learn in high school won't be from our "classes", and around 100% of what we learn in "classes" will soon be forgotten. :D

And yes, it is a bit disappointing that I am going to say goodbye to my spot in the top 20. I know I've disappointed more people, especially those who pushed me to excel. I know I could do it, I just don't see the point in tiring myself amid the cheaters and the grade-conscious. Grades aren't everything. They never were. Maybe studying was really just an excuse, but it doesn't yield us the things that matter. And I see some of my classmates and the way they act - as if grades are their lives (Oh yes. Einstein. :|) And I tell myself that I never want to be the one who will regret high school because of that.

I'll tell you what matters. Doing the things you love. Being with the people you will surely miss after you walk one final time down the aisle with that framed, weightless paper. Now I'm half-expecting that things will all be smooth sailing, for the sake of it being my last year. But this has been my most dramatic year yet :>

I don't know what the rest of the year has in store for me. For all of us. All I know is that the year is already half-over and I still have a long list of things I haven't done. Let's make high school memorable. Magoover the bakod na ako! :)

Sa tuwina'y naaalala ka

Sa pangarap, laging kasama ka
Ikaw ang alaala sa aking pag-iisa
Wala nang iibigin pang iba.

:)

Ngayon, kapiling kita. Oo, maraming nawala, maraming nagbago sa mundo ko, at bigla-biglaan lang nangyari ang lahat parang isang malamig na pagligo. Pero dahil ikaw yung kapalit ng mga pagbabagong iyon, sobra sobra pa ang swerte ko. :)

Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit. Lagi kang napapadpad sa isip ko. :)

Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung hindi ko kayang magseryoso kung minsan. Hindi naman ikaw yung tipong niloloko, at hindi naman ako yung tipong nagseseryoso... Pero para sa'yo, ako ay magbabago. :D

Medyo malakas topak ko ngayon. Pero basta, masaya ako, at oo, dahil sa'yo :D

Siguro, isang bagay nalang yung iniisip ng makulit kong pag-iisip. Iyon ang pagkakaiba ng mga paniniwala natin. Ako yung tipong gustong maabot ang mga pangarap, gusto ng magandang buhay, at ikaw naman ang lalaking nakatingin sa abot-tanaw, hindi na naghihirap pa, hindi tumitingala sa himpapawid na kayang kaya mo namang abutin. Pero walang tama, at walang mali sa mga paniniwala natin. Sadyang magkaiba lang talaga. Tanggap ko naman ito, pero inaalala ko lang na baka sa dulo, dito tayo magtalo.

Hindi na kita hihikayatin, alam kong praktikal ang mga dahilan mo para sa sarili mong mga kagustuhan sa buhay. At hindi rin kita tinutulak para abutin ang magbibigay lamang sa'yo ng pagod at hirap. Pero sana'y mapatawad mo ako, kasi natural lang para sakin na mag-alala tungkol sa ganito. :)

Ang bilis ng pangyayari talaga. Dati, linoloko mo pa ako tungkol sa hinaharap. Ngayon, iniisip ko na rin siya. :D

Sige, dahan-dahanin nalang natin yung paglalakad natin dito. Ayokong magmadali. Susuportahan kita, at sana bigyan mo rin ng tiwala ang sarili mo. Kung gusto mo ang BEST para sa akin, gusto ko rin ito para sa iyo. Sana wag mong masamain :) Ikaw lang naman kasi iniisip ko eh :P

Maaari bang pakinggan ang isang hiling?

Dear God,

Alam kong marami akong pagkukulang sa mga taong minahal ako. Sa kabila ng mga pagsubok ng buhay, andiyan pa rin sila, handang sumalo sakin sa aking pagtumba. Pero alam ko, kulang ako sa pagpaparamdam, na parang hindi ko sila pinapahalagahan. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Tuwing nakikita ko sila, nakangiti sa minsanang sandaling nakikita nila ulit ako, bumabalik din ang lahat ng lungkot ng mga alaalang nagtulak sa akin kung nasaan ako ngayon. Ang pinakamahirap tanggapin para sa akin ay ang pagtatago nito. Ang pangyayaring nagtulak sa aking desisyon ay hindi kahit kailan malalaman ng mga mahal ko sa buhay, para na rin sa katahimikan nila. At kung maaari lang, iiwan ko ang lahat ng alam ko sa mundong ito, kakalimutan, at mabubuhay ng payapa muli. Pero gawain iyon ng isang walang kwenta at duwag na anak. Kailangan ko silang alagaan, alam ko. Kailangan ko silang bisitahin at mahalin, alam ko. Mahal na mahal ko sila, pero hindi sapat ang pagmamahal para mapawi lahat ng lungkot at takot sa puso ko.


Kaya ngayon ako ay humihiling. Humihiling para sa pinakamamahal kong kapatid na si Kathleen. Tuwing nakikita ko ang litrato niya, gusto ko siyang alagaan, araw at gabi. Hinihiling tuwing ako'y nalulungkot na sana andito siya sa tabi ko, pupukpukin ang ulo ko at sasabihan ako ng mga nakakatuwang bagay. Gusto ko siyang nakawin at dalhin dito, kung saan ko siya makakasama lagi. O kaya magsariling kusa siyang maglayas doon sa tahanang walang binigay sa akin kung hindi galit, lungkot, kawalanghiyaan, at dumeretso sa kinaroroonan ko. Sana, sa kung anumang desisyon ng tadhana, balang araw ay matikman ko ang sarap ng buhay na kasama siya. Ipinapangako kong kapag siya man ay napunta sa aking pag-aalaga, hinding hindi ko na siya pakakawalan. Hindi na ako ang dating duwag na, kasabay ng pag-iwan sa sakit ng sikretong nakaraan, iniwan ko rin ang pinakamahalagang tao sa buhay ko. Wala akong kwenta. Wala akong pag-iisip. Ngunit nangyari na, at wala na akong magagawa. Hindi ko rin naman masasabing pinagsisisihan ko ang desisyon ko, sapagkat ngayon, nakuha ko ang gusto ko - isang payapang buhay.

Sana patawarin Mo ako sa lahat ng pagkukulang ko. Sinarado ko ang mga pintuang nag-uugnay sa akin at sa masalimuot na nakaraan, pero kasabay nito ang pagsarado ko rin sa pintuan ng aking mga minamahal sa buhay. Tulungan Niyo ako para itama ang libu-libo kong pagkakamali. Tulungan Niyo akong maayos ang mga maling desisyon na napili ko.

At sana, alagaan Mo siya ng lubos lubos, isang bagay na hindi ko nagawa sa buhay niya.

If you wanna leave I can guarantee, you will find nobody else like me

Sembreak na hindi.

Para san pa ang 10 days of supposed freedom kung puro presswork lang din at practice para sa math jingle. Pero siyempre, ganun talaga, busy na kung busy. And besides, kaming mathsoc naman talaga ang may pakana ng math jingle eh :P haha. Excited na ako para sa math week! At atat na atat na rin akong matapos ang lahat ng articles para sa Vision. Pero hindi naman talaga 'yun ang dahilan para sa blog na 'to.

Sabaw sa utak ang ustet at dlsucet lalo na kung sa isang araw lang kinuha. Salamat nga pala kasi hinatid at inintay mo pa ako sa ustet :) Habang kasama kita mula ust hanggang la salle, nag-ugap tayo at nakipagdeal ka. Nakakainis yang deal mo, sakit sa ulo. xP pero sige, may point ka rin naman. Tingnan lang natin kung kaya natin :P.

Unti unti nang nahuhulog eh :> Pero ang maganda ngayon, sabay tayo ng takbo, walang labis, walang talo. Hindi pa ako nababaliw sa'yo, tama lang :) At habang tumatagal, mas minamahal din kita. Tulad nga ng paglaglag sakin ni thea, swerte nga ako sa'yo :) Oo inaamin ko, medyo nagselos ako kasi sa araw na yun, kayo magkasama eh :D Pero normal lang yun, namiss lang naman kita :D And may tiwala ako sa'yo, sobra sobra ;p Alam ko paulit ulit, pero 'di kasi ako makagetover. Parang ngayon kasi, ang ayos ng mundo ko.

Tama ka sa sinabi mo, na ang purpose mo sa buhay ko ay para protektahan at alagaan ako. Iniisip ko na ang sarili kong umuuwi gabi-gabi ng mag-isa, siguro kung 'di kita kasama lumagpas na ko sa boundary ng Sucat kasi nakatulog na ko, o kaya nawala wala na ko nung binalak kong sumakay sa Mantrade. Pero may purpose din ako sa buhay mo, yun ay para malaman mo na may isang taong magpapahalaga at iintindi sa'yo tulad ng pagpapahalaga mo sa kanya. Sana lagi kitang napapasaya kapag kasama mo ako :) Yun na nga lang silbi ko eh, hindi naman ako pwede makipagbugbugan sa mga aaway sa'yo :P hahaha.

Namimiss na kita. :) Pero kailangan ko na tapusin 'tong blog na 'to kasi ooperahan na ko. 2:00 na!! :o

Because I heard the big crowd say
The words from pages of a broken book
My lost heart was led astray
From the path I should have took

The spells were vivid, loud, and clear
But still invisible from the light ahead
Fear was gone where courage stood
Strike the rivers, my devil said

I kept on searching for the cause
I wept out loud on my wee scars
But still I treaded the path to fight
I’d leap on darkness and make it cry

In the end my words were good
But the rivers flooded out the truth
My feet stayed firm on solid ground
My heart at peace with what I’ve found

Take me there

Simula nung nakilala kita, bumilis ikot ng mundo ko. Sa bawat liko ng buhay ko, malalaman ko na lang na ang nasa kabilang dako ay isang pangyayaring hindi ko naman inasahan. Kakaibang pakiramdam sumugod sa ulan at magmukhang basang sisiw, habang titig na titig sainyo ang maraming tao. Masayang mawala sa lawton sa gitna ni bagyong Juan at nalaman mong ang convertible payong palang may halagang 94 pesos sa 7/11 ay naiwan sa bus. Napakasayang makakita ng isang lansangan kung saan may nagaganap na bugbugan, o di kaya'y isang magsyotang naglalampungan sa tabi niyo. Nakakabaliw magkaraoke pagkatapos magpaxerox, habang ang plano naman talaga ay maksci-uwi. Nakakaloka mapadpad sa di inaasahang lugar at impromptu na makilala ang mga mahal mo sa buhay. Oo, kung anu-ano na ang naranasan ko simula nung nakilala kita, pero hindi dahil naganap ang mga pangyayaring ito kaya ako natuwa, kundi dahil ikaw ang kasama ko sa mga panahong iyon. :D Kilig ka nanaman. Wag ka mag-alala, sa November 8 (simula ng Math Week!!) dadalhin ko laptop ko sa school, dun ka sa isang sulok, basahin mo blog ko. :D

Di mo lang alam, ang dami kong pinagbago sa'yo, pero ang mas ikinagulat ko pa ay kung gano ito naging napakadali para sa akin. Sa mga panahong ako'y nagmahal at nabigo, ubod ng selos yung looban ko. Pero bakit ganun? Sa'yo, walang kahirap hirap ang hindi ko pagselos. Kung sa bagay, sa dinami dami ng kaibigan mong babae, hindi mo ko kailanman binigyan ng dahilan para hindi ka pagkatiwalaan. :D Kilig ulit!

Pero bago ka kiligin ng husto, dito muna tayo sa usapang mmm. May mga mahalagang bagay na nawala sakin simula nung nahulog puso ko sa'yo (naks! kanina "simula nung nakilala kita" lang, tapos ngayon yan na :P Kilig!!! =)) Isa na rito, at ang pinakamahalaga dito, ay ang pagkakaibigan namin ni Mark. Alam kong diring diri kayo sa pagmumukha ng isa't isa, kulang nalang siguro magbugbugan kayo or magjiu jitsu. Pero siyempre, eto ako, pilit kayong pinagkakasundo. At sa huli, nangyari nga ang inaasahan. Malamang, hindi natupad yung world peace na inadvertise ko sainyo, at sa huli, isa na lamang akong alaala sa isipan niya. Binura na rin ako sa facebook. Kasi kahit matatag pagkakaibigan namin, bumitaw siya at hinayaan ko siya. Bakit? Kasi mas mahalaga ka sakin, at kailangan ko na siguro siyang hayaang maging masaya sa buhay na walang sam. :)

Isa pang pagsubok ay ang nakaraan mo. Pagdating sa respeto, ang taas ng binigay ko sakanya. Siyempre, kaibigan ko rin siya at alam kong mabaet siyang tao. Sa totoo nga'y natuwa talaga ako kasi nung nagchat kami, napakaopen pa niya kahit na ganun yung usapan namin (ano yung usapan? Secret na malupet! :)) Pero maya't maya, nalaman ko ang mga bagay na siyempre, kagulat gulat :o. Basta yun yun. Pero alam mo naman at alam ng lahat ng kaibigan ko na kahit kailan, hindi ko siya binackstab. Kahit kailan, hindi ko tinira ang kaisa-isang taong alam kong labis mong nasaktan (oo, sa away ninyong dalawa, ikaw yung gago :P) kasi alam ko pinagdaanan niya. Masakit, parang hindi na kakayanin. Siyempre, ganun ako dati. At ang mga status ko sa facebook ay para kay Mark, hindi sa kanya (wala, fyi lang :D). Hindi ako lumaban, ayoko ng away. Pero para sa mga kaibigan niya, ako ang kontrabida. Ako ang masama. Ako pa naman yung tipo ng taong pinahahalagahan ang opinyon ng iba, kaya sobra akong nasaktan sa mga ito. Kahit kelan talaga, hindi ko siya pinag-isipan ng masama. Sa totoo nga, ikaw pa yung inaaway at sinisisi ko noon diba? :P Hindi ko alam ang panig niya sa kwentong ito, pero kahit na rinerespeto ko pa rin siya, isa lang ang napatunayan ko- hindi siya mabaet. Lalong lalo na sakin.

Pero alam mo kung ano napagtanto ko? Na sa kabila ng lahat ng pagsubok, gusto ko andito ka sa tabi ko. Hindi tulad ng dati na ang mga minahal ko ay nakapagpaligaya sakin at nagawa akong mas mabuting tao, ngayon, gusto ko ako naman ang ganun sa'yo. Gusto kong malaman mong mahal kita, kahit hindi pa lubos lubos, oo mahal kita. At paunti-unti itong lumalaki. Naging mas mabuti akong tao sa kamay mo. Sabi nga ng Westlife, you bring out the best in me like no one else can do, that's why I'm by your side, that's why I love you. Lahat ng nararamdaman ko sinasabi ko. Kasi tanggap mo ako bilang ako. Napagtanto ko din na bilang tao, amazing ka :) (teka lang putcha, pwede magEnglish break? :D) You have touched other people's lives so much without them even noticing. :D Kasi nakikita ko sa'yo ang sobra mong pagpapahalaga, at ang intensyon mong mapasaya ang ibang tao at maging isang indibidwal na hinding hindi nila malilimutan :P Nakakatouch na isa ka sa mga dahilan kung bakit nagtuturo pa rin si ma'am barro. Example lang yun :) At sa mga kaibigan mo, I'm proud to have you kasi nakikita ko na sobrang bait mong kaibigan sa kanila. Ipinapangako ko na sa relasyong ito (Kilig.) hindi ka talo :P Kung may mali man, mali nating dalawa yun. Kung may nakamit ka man, achievement nating dalawa yun. Para sweet. Para cool. :)

At ngayon, hindi ako makagetover :) Iniisip ko lahat ng adventures natin. Ang mga pasimpleng plano na school-bahay lang ay nauuwi sa kung saan-saan pa. Ang city count natin ngayon ay 7, at sana madagdagan pa ito. :) Sana hindi ka magsawa sa mga adventure nating unexpected. Alam kong mahal ang pamasahe. Pero mas mahal kita :>

Salamin

Nagsimula ang lahat sa inosenteng salamin ko na pinahiram ko sa kanya. Nasira niya (bwiset xD) kaya ngayong guilty siya. Malabo na kasi ang vision niya kaya naawa naman ako, pero biglang ganon eh :)) Speaking of Vision...

Ayun na, sunod sunod na simula nun. Sa Vision lagi kaming magkasama. Pero wala lang sakin yun, kasi alam ko namang close siya sa babae eh.

Nagbaguio ako at nainlove all over again ako. Ang ganda talaga doon. Bigla kong naisip na sa ganung lugar, nanaisin mo talagang may makasama ka pag ganon kaganda yung mga tanawin. Bigla ko siyang naisip.

Pagbalik galing Baguio, cheerdance na. Dahil gabi na masyado, hinahatid na niya ako. Marami kaming napaguusapan lagi, at eventually. Ayun, parang nabagok yung ulo ko sa konkreto pagkatapos mahulog =))

May subsection ang blog entry na 'to. Eto na

Mga kwentong bus

#1 "I killed a policeman yesterday for not arresting a man who was smoking. I could kill you now" At binugbog niya yung lalaking nasa likod ko. Buti nalang di ako naninigarilyo :)) Ang daming baliw sa bus. GG. Badtrip :))

#2 Naghahalikan sila tapos biglang magsskandalo at magaaway ng malakas. Parang ewan lang.

#3 Nanakawan siya :( At naguilty tuloy ako. Nagdilim paningin niya nung lumabas sa bus yung magnanakaw. Pero buti nalang yun lang yung nangyari.

At dahil sa mga yan, feeling ko tuloy ang tagal na nating magkakilala. Alam kong 'di pa tama ngayon, alam ng lahat yun. Pero 'di mo alam yung nararamdaman ko, at siguro advantage ko na rin yun, kasi alam ko naman kung ano ang tingin mo sa akin. Tingnan nalang natin kung nararapat ba talaga 'to mangyari. Pag tama na yung panahon, sana nga maging okay ang lahat :)

Ang masarap talaga sa pakiramdam is I feel safe when I'm with you. Parang bigla kong nafeel na mahalaga ulit ako sa mata ng ibang tao. Naramdaman kong I'm one less lonely girl :)) Comfortable akong kasama ka, and masaya ako. Basta yun lang alam ko :)

Alarm clock ka ba? sapagkat ginising mo ang natutulog kong puso

Pagkatapos nga naman ng matagal na panahon, dumating ka sa buhay ko. Siguro, may purpose talaga yun. Di mo lang alam pero kinikilig talaga ako =)) HAHA

Alam kong maraming ayaw na mangyari 'to. Maski ako, nung una, pinigilan ko. Pero 'di talaga eh. Go signal talaga binibigay ni God :)) Mahalaga ka sakin. Ayaw ng mga kaibigan ko pero wala akong pakialam. Maiintindihan naman nila kung totoo nila akong kaibigan eh. :)

So thank you talaga sa lahat ng ginawa mo. Kahit sinira mo salamin ko :P

Leshe

Matagal ko nang gustong magblog, sadyang sobrang busy lang talaga ng buhay senior. Contest, training, at kung anu-ano pa, pero masaya. Lecheng intrams shirt at lecheng mga sakit na nagsusulputan sa mga players namin, pero masaya. Lecheng mga tsismis, pero masaya. Eto na, binubuhay ko na talaga blog ko :D

Di ko rin mapagtanto kung bakit trip ko magtagalog ngayon, basta ganun. Una sa lahat, ayun nga, ang daming ginagawa. Vision meetings tuwing tuesday at thursday, at oo, mas masaya talaga siya sa journ class kasi mas konti kami and therefore mas okay sa olrayt ang learning experience. Strict si sir Escote kaya disiplinado rin naman kami kahit papano. Alam kong maraming times na siyang bad trip ngayon kaya sobrang taray niya samin minsan and ang dami ko nang mga kasalanan according to him. Alam ko namang bukod sa pagkukulang ko, marami na akong nagawang di man lang niya napahalagahan. Pero alam kong marami rin talaga akong 'di nagawa (yun yun eh :))
. Masaya rin tumayo pag 'di nakasagot, tulad ko. Basta alam ko bagong anyo ng buhay ang ibig sabihin ng "banyuhay" oha :)

Bukod sa Vision, may SSG. Diyusko, may sermon kami bukas, bakit nanaman kaya? Gagawa pa pala ng Legion for October :> and WTO celebration! Kaya yon :))

Bukod din dun, siyempre may cheering. Nung first week palang, excited na talaga ako. Ewan ko ba kung bakit, pero pag nagsasayaw ako parang nawawala lahat ng problema ko at mga naiisip ko. Parang sa bawat count ng 1-8 at 8-1 (pero hindi kasi 5,6,2,1 xtian eh xD) nakakalimutan ko lahat ng inaalala ko. Kasi ganito 'yon - simula nung nag4th year ako sobrang umiral na sa katauhan ko yung katamaran. Hindi naman sa ginusto ko, siyempre pag may kailangan ipasang requirements magpapasa ako kahit papano. Pero somehow, maraming nawala sa akin ngayong 4th year. Nawala yung takot ko (ano yun Sam?) Para bang, kahit di ko gawin yung ganito at ganyan na kailangan sa ganyang subject, 'di ako nangangamba. At nawala yung motivation ko at respeto ko sa pag-aaral. Hindi, hindi ko sinasabing nawalan ako ng respeto sa teachers, bongga nga mga 4th year teachers eh. Pero sa kung anumang dahilan, wala na akong nakikitang halaga sa pag-aaral ng mga alpha beta gamma rays at ng l'alphabet. Sa mga mata ko, nagiging unnecessary na yung mga yun sa totoong "education" ng buhay.

Sabi nga ni Sir Escote "at the end of the day, grades pa rin ang importante kesa sa extra curricular activities" pagkatapos ako pagalitan kasi ang dami ko na raw sinalihan. I beg to differ. At the end of the day, siguro maybe sorta it's the grade that matters. PERO pag matanda na ko, gusto ko babalikan ko ang mga alaala ng high school na punong puno ng saya at pagsubok ng mga bago. Ayokong magkaroon ng kahit isang regret of not trying. Mas okay na yung pagsisihan ko yung isang bagay pagkatapos ko siyang magawa, kaysa pagsisihan ko ang isang bagay na kahit kelan ay 'di ko sinubukan.

Balikan natin yung cheering :)) Ang ganda talaga. Bilib ako kay Jairah. Pati yung intermission number, best ever talaga :D

At salamat sa Vision, ako na rin ang head of recording ekek para sa intrams. Nakakatamad, ano ba alam ko sa sports bukod sa cheerdance =))

Kanina rin pala, kami ni Joyce and Ma'am Reyes ay nagtungong TIP para sa contest. Ako sa photoshop, si Joyce sa web design. Halimaw mga kalaban namin, private and public, buong NCR. Nanalo si Joyce, malupet eh :)) Pero ako hindi. Kahit na, para sa sarili ko naman panalo ako eh :)) Ang laking achievement kaya yung nakagawa ako ng poster sa PSCS3 out of scratch ;)

Intrams na bukas. Actually, mamaya, kasi madaling araw na ngayon. Naffeel ko siya sa totoo lang. Sana maayos, sana seniors pa rin ang bonggang bonggang panalo. Pero higit sa lahat, ang pangit lang talaga ng batch shirt.

Yes, this is the Philippines

There are a lot of things that one can find only in the Philippines. Our country has been a spot for tourists, and our people are known to be exceptionally warm and welcoming to foreigners. Yes, it is only here where one can find the chocolate hills and the Mayon. And yes, it is only here where a busload of Chinese tourists may be easily held hostage for one whole day, in broad daylight, in the middle of a busy intersection, and in the presence of our so-called professional police force.

The suspect, a former police, held 15 tourists hostage and would set them free under the condition that he would get his job back. Neglecting the safety of those innocent people, the corporation strictly declined, refusing compromise. In exchange for this beaming pride, 14 lives have been brutally taken away. Happy?

What is amazing about this issue is that one armed guy versus a whole fleet of police managed to carry out his plan successfully. It only adds to our disappointment in our country's false promises of security.

Welcome visitors! Explore our wretched country filled with strangers that would gladly slit your throat to make a point, or simply for the heck of it. Immerse yourselves in the sights and sounds of gunfight, bloodshed, and an occasional bombing. Wander through our peculiar streets, where people who have been too exposed to poverty can find no other means of obtaining sources for basic needs except to do the immoral. Welcome visitors, and be amazed, for it is only in the Philippines where a hostage victim who has experienced this much bullshit in one day and somehow managed to stay alive is considered to still be SAFE.

Vertical Lines

The moon sits high one starless night
Its yellow glimmer fills the room
Why do i lay here with scathed arms
And tearful eyes, and cracking bones?

My eyes behold these vertical lines
that seem to make no sense at all
I cannot go any lower than this
I lay here helpless across the floor

Goodbye Friend

The telephone sits quietly by the ripped up notes
And sits in the same untangled form
Because since then, nobody called

The favourite basketball stays ignored
On the corner of the bookshelves and forgotten Barbies
Because since then, nobody played

The carefully wrapped presents in blue and gold and green
Will forever stay unopened under the messy coffee table
Because since then, nobody celebrated

A sealed wine bottle cools in the fridge
Awaiting merriment and cheers which will never come
Because since then, nobody laughed

Because since then, an eerie silence took over everything
Like those cars screeching and skidding through the wrong side of the road
Like silence reverberating through everyone’s once happy dreams

I cannot write

The world is moving
around me
a blur
a sudden motion
i can't keep up
the lights that
blinded me
kept screaming
green
but never stop

Exhausted
i lay down
for a nap
and rub my eyes to awake
in an entirely different
space
I never knew
I never cared
but this was always
always
here
The tears were
too slow
they never flowed
just disappeared

Numbed.
It was cold
It was scorching
I don't know
what to feel anymore
but then
i'm not sure
if this is feeling
in a brand new
sense of the word
if i was just left behind
well. I'm just getting
used to it

I read
the words that pained me
even before i write
them down
I read
the blank spaces
that hurt more
as i dust it with
the ink
that erases all the meaning
and fills in every
gap

I cannot bring myself
to write
to confess
the real me
I have been waiting
and i am raged
I want to get out
but i hold back
for some
reason

I cannot write
When can i bring myself
to be my real
self?
When can i ever
become
the person i want to be
when i am trapped
in the person
that has always been expected
of me?

I need to write
But the words..
They are all meaningless
I cannot
write
I cannot
feel
I can only
think

I start to write
the words
that only made sense
when i wanted them to
but i start writing away
nonetheless
and the words
the words
come alive
and save me
and lead me
to the life i always dreamed of
but was always
so far
away

Snakes and Ladders

We made the journey like pieces of a board game. We were all moving forward, one slightly ahead the other, pace by pace, how it should be. But all of the sudden, it seemed like everyone was climbing ladders or rolling down snakes.

It felt so unfair that some can just climb to the top on ladders without looking back at what they've left. On the other hand, guilt was felt for those that encountered snakes, those random few that were unfortunate enough to experience the inevitable roll of the dice. Those we never bothered to help either. The paths were never the same since the pieces left the place where they all started. With each turn, a different outcome is presented.

And just like that. Some advance to the finish line, rewarded and proud. Some bounce back, so close yet not close enough. Some slowly tread each box, without the snakes, without the ladders. Some find cheats when others aren't looking. Careless hands throw the dice and the players encounter snakes. Some roll again. Some lose their turn. And for some, the game is over...

All was golden when the Day met the Night

When two people living in two totally different worlds fall in love, would it be real?

Can someone love another who is completely out of reach? When distance and time unite against two hearts, can love conquer all boundaries? When one gives up, is all hope lost? When attraction withers, does love die with it? Love does not care about these superficial reasons. It waits, patiently, and fights for life.

When there is darkness, light can conquer it. Fire ceases to survive without air, and yet, it is this very air that can destroy it. But the things in this world should not be seen as opposites, rather, as complements to each other. One cannot survive without the other, one is meaningless without its pair.

Love shadowed by differences and obstacles is not love lost, but a kind of love worth fighting for.

Because beneath far mountains, even the Night and the Day - two contrasting bodies, two entirely different times - somehow meet at one point, sunset, which is, perhaps, the loveliest scenery one can ever see.

Our less-than-perfect world

I know this one sucks. Anyway..

I’ve seen a bit of everything
At least, in my small world of dreams
And how you wander without thought
Don’t worry dear, we are all lost.

I’ve seen kindness, how it melts my heart
But a life that’s not for me
Albeit I witness death and wrath
Don’t stay too long on this scarred path

I’ve seen the light, but what else is new
When light no longer seems of use
When guns and bombs are made the same
Don’t falter love, but we’re all to blame.

And then we learn from our mistakes
So why keep making all things right?
If up above, we’re all the same
Don’t bother dear, of shame or pride

We try to make our world ideal
But does this imagery exist?
When guns and bombs are stopped too late
Don’t run away, don’t dare to stay

Those people say we’re all the same
But this I know is true
We know squat on what we face, but
Love, I’ll be okay with you

VEEEENNNNTTT!!

Wag niyo ko pansinin. Nagvent lang ako sa MS Word nung isang araw, and sige, ilalagay ko sa blog :)) Don’t mind me. xD

Seryoso. Wag na. Ako nga nabore nung binasa ko ulit eh

Okayfine. Ikaw na ang boss.

Let me start off by saying that it wasn't really a good year for me. Despite everything I accomplished, all the new places I visited, and all the new friends I gained, I still never felt contented with my junior year. During my sophomore year, I yearned to become this, and accomplish that. Now I have them all, more or less, and though I regret nothing and am fully grateful for all of these, I still feel don’t feel contented with the school year.

Last year everything was simple. I belonged to a section that I loved. I had friends, and tons of enemies, and some were people that just plainly did not like me. I didn’t mind, I felt the same way about them. Last year, I never really put much effort into studies, or fitting in, or anything, and the year turned out great.

This year, I was surprised that everything came more easily to me. As I look back, I never really actually exerted “effort”. I never brought a single book (except values) to school, nor did I own a notebook besides AP that I religiously updated. Aside from the GC stuff, fitting in with my section was something unexplainable. I couldn’t say that I fitted in, nor was I a casted out. My frequent companion was Denise, and though we are both very opinionated and determined people, she was my lifesaver in Becquerel.

When it comes to our other classmates, all I can say is I like them, and I don’t like them. I got along with everyone, and there was even one instance where I received tons of letters during our activity that was about giving a letter to the 5 people in the room, and it was full of positive comments and stuff. It was the time I realized what the problem was. I don’t brag because I’m not even proud of this in the first place. But what they think of me is only based on a professional level. They say they admire me because I am capable of doing so many things or whatever. And though I know I should be flattered or even just plain happy, I can’t find it in myself to be. It dawned on me that I made them look up to me, but I had never become one with them on a friendly level. Sure, many of them I treat as a friend, they open up to me. But the truth is, I never really enjoyed their company. Simply said, they were nice, but nice isn’t always fun to be around.

They are kind people, but it really becomes annoying when all we could do for a 40-minute break is stay in the room, talk about Korean pop, play psp, or compare scores. It was so different from what I would like, so unfamiliar to the ideal high school setting I so badly wanted to experience. But my ultimate problem was that there was always an invisible standard you had to live up to in that section. It determined if you were good enough or not, and when you’re not, you become imprisoned in the fall of your own self-esteem. As I was always “out” of the room and did not care about how I compared with others, I never really felt that I was slipping away from the place I held, when it comes to academics.

Now I know that I am not part of the top ten this year anymore. But I’m as proud of myself as I was a year or two ago, and maybe even more so because I have accomplished most of what I wanted. Aside from that, I know I can balance everything I held. My friends trusted me, they enjoyed my company. People saw me as someone trustworthy, responsible, sociable, and energetic. When I first had that feeling that I no longer belonged to the top, it didn’t bug me that much. And yet, when my feeling was proven, I had a sudden feeling of grief. And that worst thing is that I hated what I thought I become, that I was being affected by something so trivial. But then, as I walk home from school, I thought of all the things, and I realized that my disappointed did not branch out from only that.

1) I was always an all-in-one package. I work hard when I need to, I motivate myself when I feel uninspired, I cheer myself up when I am sad, and I congratulate myself when I am fulfilled – simply because there is no one else to do these things for me. My sister never really cared, our maid would just stare at me like I was the most self-centered person in the world, my lola would just nod, and I never had the courage to tell my titas, because no matter what I do, I never meet their standards. They think I was still the entrance exam topnotcher I was 3 years ago.

I have a secret that I have been doing for years. Whenever I win something or get accepted in something, or accomplish anything great, I would feel happy, naturally. But as night falls on that same day, I would cry myself to sleep, talking to my invisible mother, telling her that I’ve worked so hard for this. I know deep inside me that she listens. But it still feels so empty when she no longer has a smile I could look at, no longer can speak the words that say she feels proud of me, no longer has the warm and welcoming arms that can embrace me. Everyone I know thinks that I have moved on, that I am so strong, that I have put her death past me already. But I cry myself to sleep because since she left me, I never found my way home again, living in this structure I could barely call a house.

2) Some of my teachers think that I put too much priority on my activities when I should be focusing on my studies. What do they know? They may just be concerned, but no one knows that being busy is my way of avoiding the emptiness I feel. Being busy is my escape to a world that I made for myself. It makes me feel useful and intelligent and beautiful and great. What is so wrong with that? What could they do if I have learned more about life when I dance to music in MADAC or when I hold a pen and write for the school paper than when I sit in a classroom? I have learned what I needed to learn in my own ways and at my own pace.

3) This year has been a mixture of events that make it worse for me. Denise and Clang both have their lovelives good, but it has cracked our friendship already. Denise gets along with the Becquerel girls, and though I am sometimes invited to join then, I just can’t deal with their sense of humor or what they think is enjoyable. I hate my section, simple said. I am always with Jairah, Xtian, or Monica, but then, being with them affects my studies because I think I become too happy with them and put some things into neglect. My social life has been cramped up as an after-classes affair because I can’t deal with my classmates and their way of life, so I guess that everyday feeling has contributed a lot to my grief this year.

4) Is it just me? No it’s not. A lot of people had a bad feeling about the school year. Ondoy and a bunch of other calamaties, both natural, and even emotional, have bothered all of us. It was as if an invisible blanket of grief covered us and shaded us from laughter and contentment, which makes it so hard for all of us to “feel” the school year or enjoy it.

I don’t know. I know this is a long blog post, but I just need to vent my feelings so they don’t explode inside. Mainly, I guess, the deep train of thought from which all these words were formed was triggered by my low grades. Even more so that I know in me, that no matter how I could relive my school year, I would never have lived it in any other way. I know the problem this year was not with me, but with everything around me. For the first time, I feel like I was put in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hope that next year, I find my way again.

I'm taking your advice, I'm looking on the bright side

JUNIOR-SENIOR PROMENADE
MARCH 12, 2010
MAKATI PALACE HOTEL
5:30pm-1:30am

It was really a night.

March 11. We all had prom practice at the venue, and we were all a bit bothered by the size of the venue. It was small, and barely 2 sections fit on the dance floor. But then, we arrived on the day itself, and the venue was excellent. It really looked like "prom" and not just "sige na nga, prom". Of course, the first hours upon arriving there were for pictures, and I'm grateful I didn't bring my camera with me.

The ceremony started and I practiced my speech, and the ssg waited in the lobby. Good thing ate gieanne made it on time. Well, the ceremony started and a lot of us stuttered, but I was able to do my speech smoothly, though I think I LOL'd right there on stage because I suddenly remembered how Ely Buendia angered so many teachers, that it was hilarious =))

BTW. Ely Buendia=Dondon Ferrer. He was wearing a black turtleneck, white suit, and jeans. Haha. For Sir Ferrer, it was okay, actually. But Ma'am Mira and the rest of the teachers scolded him, and the people at our table were laughing so hard. Table 11=the best :)

Cotillion. I stepped on my gown so many times because of the paper petticoat underneath, which i cut myself =)) First with scissors, and then, as i was wearing it, whenever my heels touched the thin fabric, it was further destroyed. At least I didn't really slip while dancing; I just "glided". A bit. =))) LOL

Presentation of candidates. For the prom princess, the candidates were Jerika, Kathryn, Hazel, Florica, Joyce, me, Aprille, Clang, Steph, Marielle, and Gia. And for prom prince, I don't remember, but Reich ended up winning, and Hazel was crowned prom princess. Okay. Prom prince->0_o glad I didn't win =)))))

Christine De Ubago and Mark Samonte won prom king and queen.

And there were a bunch of other awards too. I don't remember all of them.

And so the dancing begun, and my heels were off until the night ended :)) I was able to dance with all the titans, table 11, Sir Roca, Sir Vidallo, and most of the guys in our batch. For a moment I was depressed because I didn't dance with him. Actually, for like, 11 songs, we were beside each other. We were actually staring at each other. I catch him looking at me sometimes, and vice versa. But whenever a song ended, someone else would ask me to dance, and someone else would ask him (which was a WTF moment to me since he's a guy, and he's the one being asked :))

Yeah, I was disappointed. But whatever, at least I had fun even though. :D

Got home at around 2am with Kirven and Jonathan. It was a fun night. :)

Speak

Browsing through my files, I found our 1st year project - an adaptation of the song "Speak" by MCR, made to fit the theme "the english language". I was addicted to this adaptation, and our project rocked :) Enjoy

Speak
1-Pascal

I. 1st verse

Some say now speak the English language
And keep it still arranged
Or a fluent conversation
For a well-known institution
Come on do it like, singing to the song of life
And there’s no way you’ll be wrong
For what you thought

II. Chorus

Now do it all
And speak the words with me
‘Cause I know we’ll make it better
So say it loud
Know the words
And speak
Just speak
Well come on now, and say it all with me

III. 2nd verse

A word, for the things you meant to say
For a clearer explanation
And great aspirations
Let’s do it all right now
Speak up the words rightly
‘Cause there is no reason for us not to try

(chorus)

Just speak 2x

Sleep

Thoughts run wild with laughing cries
Tears that bid the night goodbye
Loudly tapping, never seen
Ever coming, Ever been

'It is near' she thinks with fright
and summons her last stroke of might
and shields the force surrounding her
visions weary, cold, and blurred

Mumbles deeper, sane no more
light has left her as before
and with a shock she sees the day
her troubles all have gone away

This is when she flew with glee
becoming anything she'd be
Down no more, in loving arms
All under her covers' warmth

It's us against the world

Visiting my grandmother has always been an event I look forward to. When I was a kid, she used to fill my head about stories from the era of Marshal Law and the recession her family had experienced during her childhood. She usually narrates with such an expression about the hardships they have experienced - from the intense starvation that swooned the Filipino masses, to the cruel regulations one has to obey in school. I'm thinking that half of those stories are made-up, just to get the attention of her most beloved grandchildren. Yes, she catches our interest, and I am sure that most grandparents are like that too.

However, as I grew up, her stories were somehow transformed from being a source of entertainment to being a basis of ridicule and sermon.

"In my days, we worked hard under the sun for a mere peso, and we were happy when it bought us food for the entire day. Children nowadays seem to act like money grows on trees!"

Everybody knows about these famous "in my days" and "children nowadays" speeches we so painfully endure during those instances that don't really require much notice. I, for one, experience this whenever I ask money to buy some clothes, to spend for a school project, and to other usual expenses our generation encounters on a daily basis. It's just the way of life that has evolved in present time.

Whatever we do, we are always compared to the youth of the previous generation, who are, in their perspective, more conservative, more respectful, more decent, generally, so much better than the youth today.

And yes, it may be true. In fact, it is quite true indeed. We, more often than not, use swear words to express our negative emotions. We usually go with the trends of the wider circles of influence rather than stick to our individuality. We honestly forget at times to show due respect to the elderly and authority. We are far more liberated in doing what we want and getting what we can have. Today's generation is associated with vices along the words of sex, drugs, money, drinking, driving, being skinny, being flawless, and being beautiful. And those who fail the invisible "standards" are labelled outcasts.

But then, for these same reasons, isn't it that our generation has proven to be smarter, wiser, more capable, and stronger? It's not our fault that time has exposed us to the factors that have shaped us to become who we are today, that does not lay in our hands. Likewise, it's not our fault either that the supposedly more "ideal" generation lived in the time of great difficulty, which made them as they were.

We may not have lived during the time when Marcos gained supremacy and the nation became terrified, but we face the same pressure in our everyday lives, being subject to the standards of society and an even greater pressure of fitting in. We may not have experienced war with bloodshed, but we encounter STD's, HIV/AIDS, bulimia, and anorexia, that print horrid images in our minds of the disasters that can happen to almost anyone. We may not have experienced slaying under the sun all day for a living, but we are exposed to the expectations of an older generation to grow in the image of themselves.

It's true; we have never experienced all of these. We weren't there during the war, and famine, and poverty, but have most certainly faced our own version - those of ridicule, and greed, and hate. We are constantly being told that we are just not good enough.

No. We are just as good as they are. It's time to take a stand and prove ourselves. We have our flaws, but we are stronger and more capable, because we encounter things they won't ever learn about. We know about war, and it does not always involve weapons. We know about poverty, and it isn't always in the material sense of the word. We know about hunger, and it isn't always from deprivation of food. We know about their war - do they know about ours?

Or generation fights a different kind of battle. We have experienced just as much as them, and maybe even more.

Stretch

I've recently been organizing the files in my computer and I saw my articles and essays written when I was in 2nd year. Needless to say, I was better then, and now I feel like such a loser for letting that go to waste. Now I'm promising myself that no matter how busy I get, I MUST have a blog entry at least five times a week. I hope I get to write good with ease again. Looking back at my Xanga posts, I was better at stories and poems. And now I plain suck. I really hope my efforts get me somewhere, it would be so disappointing if this writer's block is here to stay.